The Need to be Seen: Creativity, Connection and Relating

Sometimes in therapy, we talk about holding our own worth without needing reassurance from others or validating ourselves. There is a strength in being able to come back to your own centre.

However, if you've spent years feeling unseen or dismissed, being told to "trust yourself" it can feel lonely, like an emotional abandonment. The longing to be witnessed doesn't go way just because we understand it intellectually. It's a very basic human need.

That longing is a deep desire to be mirrored and have someone look at what we've made or hear what we're feeling. We need someone to say "I see you in this". It is meant to touch that part of us that wants to be recognised rather than massage the ego.

It can be a fine line between trying to find our own value, meaning and voice but all the while longing to be seen. When we create something whether it's a poem, a painting or just an idea we've been holding on to, we're not only sharing words on a piece of paper or some paint on a canvas, we're sharing a piece of ourselves that we're making visible.

When that offering is met by indifference, especially by someone close who we thought would be our biggest cheerleader, it can feel like a personal rejection or an emotional abandonment.

We can't always understand what someone else creates. A piece of art might not speak to us, an academic paper might be difficult to grasp or the music they write might not be to your taste but understanding it isn't the only way to show we care. Sometimes we need to be shown curiosity and care in order to know that what we create matters to someone else because we matter to them.

When someone says they don't need external validation, I wonder what part of them is speaking? Is it the wounded child part that learned not to expect a warm response or was dismissed or is it genuinely a part that has found peace regardless of the reception? I don't think it's impossible to become our own mirror but I don't think it cancels out the need to be seen either.

When someone truly receives our work, it's not just validation we get, it's an emotional connection. It's a way of saying "I see you. I see your effort and I see your soul in this." It can be healing.

So when someone creates something and leaves it with us, we can hold it with care and curiosity. We don't need to understand every word or every brush stroke but we can say "I see how much of you is in this. I'm happy you shared it with me".

Therapy can help with this kind of witnessing. When you've been seen consistently with care, you begin to internalise it. The therapist's voice becomes your own and you start to believe your own worth; you can self-validate.